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I’ve been travelin’ on this road too long (too long)
Just tryna find my way back home (back home)
The old me is dead and gone, dead and gone
And oh (eyyy)
I’ve been travelin’ on this road too long (too long)
Just tryna find my way back home (back home)
The old me is dead and gone, dead and gone, dead and gone

Lyrics from Dead and Gone by T.I.

Dead End
photo credit: geishaboy500

We’ve all chosen different paths because of situations, opportunities, courage and fear. And we’ve all been traveling a path that’s not ours, because of habits and constraints we decided to conform to. But in every life, at one sacred point, there’s a little voice that shouts:

What the hell are you doing?

It can be because of a workshop, a song, a conversation, a person doing exactly what you want, a layoff, an accident, almost anything that can shake you. All the frustration accumulated over the years brought you to the edge. Then you realize “that’s not what I want, that’s not who am I”. You can’t help yourself thinking about it, and if you’re courageous enough, you also start taking actions.

Time to think

It’s not that important, I can’t do it anyway, it’s too difficult.

But it IS important, and I CAN do it, if I really want to. But I have to make some changes.

Maybe you have to change your job, your relationships or take some classes. Whatever you feel or know has to happen for you, accept that. It is going to be hard, otherwise you’d have done it way earlier, but it is also vital. Be completely clear with that.

Time to act

There are basically two things you have to do:

  • Disconnect from what conflicts with your dream
  • Start traveling on the road leading to your goals

That means saying no to any optional commitment on your old path. You’re probably used to saying yes to anything that you think might be good for your career, finances or relationship, thinking it will bring you closer to happiness. It won’t.

Saying yes to things you don’t really want or like is a waste of time and energy that could be used to build something much more meaningful and fulfilling. Once you acknowledge that fact, you can start with a small step, maybe don’t go for a drink with your colleagues tonight, and take a walk in a park, or go explore the possibilities that excite you. When you accept your situation, you will come to the conclusion that your old you has to disappear and make space for the “new”, real, you. It is a process that has to happen. Let it take the time it needs, but don’t simply sit on your ass until it does.

The other part of the equation is to actively start researching new commitments, relationships, opportunities that will mechanically move you forward on your new path. The simplest is usually to take a class to learn a new skill, because it will commit you to that path, as well as allowing you to meet new people who will strengthen your connections to that path. But if classes are not your thing, the Internet is full of communities that can give you the knowledge and connections that will push you forward, you just need to stop identifying yourself as your old you, accept who you are right now, and start feeling who the future you, the one home, is.

An example: losing weight

Let’s say you want to loose weight and improve your health.

First, disconnect from your old patterns: lay low on the donuts and snack eating in front of the TV (you know you do it).

Second, go to the gym (or elsewhere where you can exercise and meet people), and start connecting with people there. These connections will pull you in the direction of your goal. The more you hang out with people already doing what you want, the more you’ll be comfortable on that path.


A man travels the world over in search of what he needs and returns home to find it.

George Moore

What is home? Home is who you are deep inside, once you’ve removed all the habits and constraints. Home is when the person you are on the outside is exactly the same as the person you really are deep inside. Home is when you do what you love. Home is when everything seems natural and easy. You can fight to stay on your old path, or work to build the path back home.

I’m heading back home, where are you heading to?