by Sylvain | Feb 17, 2010 | Shift, Work
The quest for perfection is admirable, at least in theory, but have you ever wondered what it would really change if you were “perfect”?
The movie Equilibrium shows Libria, a future world without war, without anger, without conflicts. Can you imagine that? Looks like a perfect world.
A world of perfection
Lots of people spend their lives trying to be better, to attain perfection. Some don’t want to show their weaknesses and spend a considerable amount of energy trying to appear perfect, never say the wrong word, nor take too many risks. Being perfect is, in practice, equivalent to making no mistakes. And what’s the easiest way to never make any mistake? Always follow the rules scrupulously, never lead, never challenge anything, be invisible, don’t feel anything.
Follow the rules
When you follow the rules without thinking about them, you just “do your job”, and as you bury your compassion and anger, someday you don’t feel them anymore.
In Libria, after the population was decimated by the Third World War, the world realized that war, hatred, adultery, murder and all the sins of humankind had roots in the capacity to feel, so they decided to suppress it with mandatory drugs. Without the capacity to feel, every human being can be civilized, obeying the rules and wishes of the powers that be.
Following the rules in order to attain perfection means to relinquish our emotions and the connections with ourselves.
Creativity and perfection
Art makes us feel, makes us question what is, and envision what could be. The whole creative process is an insult to perfectionism (aka the inner critic). That’s why art is illegal in Libria, as its only presence makes us question the status quo, the laws and the concept of perfection.
A life of rules and perfection
Some people might be able to live their lives blindly following orders (and even add and follow rules of their own), hoping to be perfect. But not everybody can, and if you’re still reading, I’m sure you can’t. But even if you could, would you really want to? There is a moment in time when rules have to be questioned, and you have to detach yourself from them, if only to reconsider whether you want to follow other people’s rules or make your own. Being a simple cog in a big machine isn’t very fun, or fulfilling.
Control
If you spend your energy trying to be perfect, all you’re gonna do is try to control yourself and your environment, draining your energy and creating a huge load of stress. Those who always want to be perfect, even though they deny it, tend to also want everything around them to be perfect, and they complain when it’s not. Have you ever heard someone (or yourself), complaining about something they have absolutely no control on? Like the weather? It is completely pointless, but the complaint itself shows a need to assert control over these events.
When you let go of control, and accept to feel again what it is to be human, everything changes.
Our natural state is one of creative imperfection
For a baby, the concept of rules doesn’t exist, a baby just want to discover the world, how they can interact and create things that matter and make them feel good. Along the way we learn what rules are, and how to follow them; but most of the time, it is for the sake of society, and of those in control, very rarely for our own gain.
If we stopped trying to be so perfect all the time, we could regain that innocence, that desire to be curious and creative. A perfect human is an imperfect machine. Why would you want to be something you’re not?
Forget perfection
The important work of moving the world forward does not wait to be done by perfect men.
George Eliot
Perfection only exists as a fulfillment and strict application of rules. No rules, no perfection. In order to touch perfection, one has to exert extreme control over their actions as to never risk disobeying orders (or what are implicit orders, like following the crowd). Not only is it boring, but it is also a sure way to destroy creativity, put your intuition in a cage and send fun in exile in a galaxy far, far away (where it stays untouched and lonely).
But on the other hand, if you set a goal to be as imperfect as you could be, now you can be real, you can ask questions, wonder what could be, and finally show your genius to the world. You might want to rebel against the system, but it’s not necessarily a bad thing. As in Equilibrium, a war against the system might just be what you need to change the status quo. And if there is anything that doesn’t feel right for you in the world, why wouldn’t you want to change it?
You can start right now, if you ask yourself this simple question: how can you imperfect today?
by Sylvain | Jan 28, 2010 | Shift
photo credit: knickinoptik
It’s always the same. Your body is there, but your heart longs for something else. You want to belong, but whatever you do, a little something’s not right. If people around don’t reject you, you reject yourself to escape the heavy feeling of disconnection.
Have you ever wondered why you were different?
You tend to question what others take for granted. You challenge the status quo, what’s expected of you, by your parents, your teachers, your peers. Maybe you just look different, think different, feel different. You want to connect with people, but deep inside, you don’t want to compromise who you are.
After years of trying, one day you realize you are The Ugly Duckling, in a family, an environment where you don’t belong.
I know I have.
The Ugly Duckling could swim, but in his community of ducks, he was rejected, he was too ugly, too different. Everything is a matter of perspective, but there, he couldn’t be who he was. He fought it at first, denying the ugly truth, trying to fake his way into this mold, trying to fit in so that the others ducks could accept him as one of their own.
Humans act in the same manner. Being rejected is almost always painful, and sometimes it seems they’re no alternative to choose. It happened to you, almost by magic, one day, the misalignment got too strong. Tired and frustrated with all the efforts you put in that public life, you left your duck “family”, and went on the road, looking for those who would accept you and make you belong. You joined clubs, made new friends, shared different interests, something new clicked, you felt better, but you still weren’t a real match for them (or them for you).
Even though you may be closer to those people, you are still different. It is like you share some parts of you with some people, other parts with other people, but wherever you are, you still are an outsider, out alone in the cold.
After months of trying to keep the water from freezing, in the heart of winter, the Ugly Duckling finally got overwhelmed, and ended up stuck in the ice. This is when a generous man saved him from its fate and brought him home. There, the attention given by his savior’s family was overwhelming, and he got scared. Even though he was accepted into this home, he didn’t belong.
It’s okay to be who you are
Near the end of the story, the Ugly Duckling saw the beautiful swans arriving. Though he knew he was “ugly” and could barely dream of hanging out with them, he followed his heart and tried to engage.
And then it happened.
Instead of being rejected and put to death for his ugliness, he was recognized as the most beautiful swan that ever swum in this lake. He was one of them.
Was he the most beautiful because of what he had to endure to survive and find his way? Or was he born that way? His adventures definitely made him special, if only to us. But it is only when he accepted his difference that he could be whole.
It is okay to be who you are, it is okay to be different. Diversity is the gift of mankind.
Only after you’ve accepted to be who you are, will you attract and recognize the right people. The ones who will bring diversity and love to your life. They will be different, and same as you are. It is from love, deep inside, that we connect with the world and acknowledge we are all one.
How to be different and still connect with others
The common bonding mechanism uses a common interest or characteristics, but that doesn’t work well when one can only worry about their differences. It doesn’t have to be this way.
Here is a little technique that you can use to foster your connections with others using your differences:
- Pick two of your friends or idols. For each one, identify one trait that makes them similar to everybody else (like, having wings), and one that makes them special (like being a very little creature)
- Identify the connections they are able to foster using both these traits. Are they good? Enjoyable? Do they help the world as a whole?
- Do the same for you, while making an emphasis on all the connections you can create using your differences.
- Play with your differences and put them to work towards deeper connections.
If you’re not convinced that this is possible, ask a friend to help you repeat this work for every person on earth until you are.
We are all special, we are all the same. There is nobody like you and you are like everybody else. This is why we all have something special and unique to contribute to the world.
Growing tired of being different is the first step of the journey into the wild. After trying out different homes, comes the time of acceptation of who you are. We are all different, and the more special, the more blessed you are, as you can offer more to the world. You just have to expand your wings and take off.
Our differences are our assets in life, how are you using yours?
